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Premise: “Two people fought over who should take possession of the fruit for several hours, and each passionately stated why the other should leave the lemon. After a while, they figured they could both use the lemon since they needed it for different reasons. One needed the inside of the lemon to make lemonade, while the other needed the rind to make a fruit cake.”
That’s how a contentious situation was resolved, with each person winning in the outcome. This is how an average person wants a conflict to end, a win-win situation.
Reaching a common ground in any disagreement requires polite exchanges, mutual understanding, and civil discourse. Without civility, the conflict will only linger.
Like the two teenagers above, civil discourse is needed if the parties reach a mutual agreement. But how does it help with reaching mutual understanding?
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Keys to Reaching Mutual Understanding
If you find yourself in a conflict, remember that everyone can win if they can reach a common understanding. To achieve this, you will need the following.
Know What you Want!
Conflicts usually occur due to varied interests. So, do not lose sight of what you intend to get out of the disagreement. Respectfully communicate your position by practicing civil discourse.
You can say:
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I want better working materials.
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I want an equal share of office stationeries.
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I like the timetable to be changed.
Bearing in mind that it is an argument, and it may not turn out in your favor. It’s advisable to have two variations of your interests. One will be the realistic resolution, and the other will be the idealistic solution. If you present the ideal resolution and it makes no headway, you can “compromise” by suggesting your realistic solution.
Know What The Other Party Wants!
When in conflict, it’s not enough to just know what you want out of the situation. You must also know what your opponent intends to get from the conflict. Yes, you should be aware of the bone of contention.
However, you need to be civil in identifying what your opponent wants. You also need to examine any way your position could be countered. After all, the idea is to reach a common ground and mutual understanding.
You can get more insight into your opponent’s position by pondering on what they feel is most important or what they think is least important.
Know What You And The Other Party Agree On!
Once you have identified your opponent’s needs and wants, cross-check them with your interests. You should be able to figure out areas where you both agree on or bargain from.
These areas will serve as common ground as the conflict resolution process starts. A common mistake is to conclude the needs and wants of the conflicting parties.
This is a faulty start because things are not always as they seem, and concluding the symptoms rather than the cause of the problem will do little to decrease the conflict.
After knowing what you and the other party want, what next?
Having a mutual understanding is paramount in resolving conflicts. It is the key factor in resolving a conflict so that every party wins. But how do we reach this mutual understanding?
In minor conflicts, the above helps reach a quick resolution. However, in major conflicts, you may have to combine them with these techniques tailored to reach a mutual understanding.
Find common ground
Earlier, we examined each other’s wants and needs and reached a common ground. But wouldn’t it be better if we could first create a common environment before any conflict?
You can find common ground either by helping out your team, continuing working in the company, or ensuring the quality of the product is always maintained. There’s always a way to find common ground.
You should look for a common goal during the conflict resolution process. Favorable agreements to what your opponent says can reduce bad blood and make them more agreeable. Statements like, “Yes, I agree that we will top company A this year” or “I think that we should expand our marketing team too” can do a lot of magic.
Build Goodwill and Positive Energy
Conflict breeds negative emotions and feelings of anger and anxiety. This negative energy can’t be good for anyone. That’s why we need to get rid of it by resolving the conflict.
But first, you need to eliminate the negative emotion or, even better, transform it into positive energy. If you radiate positivity, you’ll be more open to creating goodwill with your opponent, resulting in quicker conflict resolution and mutual understanding.
Strengthening Your Partnership
Transforming your opponents into problem-solving teammates is a powerful conflict resolution skill. Once you have built a common ground and radiate positivity, you can work on strengthening and maintaining your partnership with the other party. Here you need to remember what is common and what you want.
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About CodeDesign
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